The past…I’ve lived in this same state for almost my whole life…
The present…I am living in the same home in which I grew up. I am comfortable and for the most part content with life…
The pondering…I started my day by checking for any updates on my daily blog cycle...I was thrilled to see that one of my dear friends had updated. Her post caused quite an upheaval in my thought process...as she had some pretty interesting views on life...some of which made me stop and reminisce on my own life journey. You see, she and her family uprooted themselves from everything they knew and loved and on a wing and a prayer moved out of state to Texas to hopefully find a better life for themselves. Incidentally, I had another friend do the exact same thing a year earlier…only they moved to Tennessee. As a matter of fact I’ve had several friends move out of state in the last few years.
You see, she said something to the effect of…in order to stay “alive” you have to shake things up a bit (upheaval thought #1), she also said something like…being comfortable where you are (cause for pause #2) and finally she said you get attached to memories (causing deep thought #3)…hmmmm, does this mean that I’m not alive? Am I too comfortable? Am “I” attached to where I live? …well, I’m certainly breathing, living and going through the motions…but am I A-L-I-V-E?...hmmmm. I’m definitely comfortable, after all, I’ve been here forever and know where everything is, yada, yada, yada…but does comfort allow for change? Oh and attached, nah, just because I’m living in THE SAME EXACT house I romped around in diapers, on the same street, with some of the same neighbors, in the same city and state for almost 36 years…I couldn't possible be so attached that it would prevent me from growing…could it?
I KNOW change is good…and I have lived out of state and in fact I FOUND my perfect place to live…with a perfect house, perfect neighbors, perfect friends…everything was (almost) perfect. But, alas, circumstances did not allow us to stay…actually, the cold hard truth is, we could have stayed, we probably should have stayed…I have faith that we would have made it. But I was emotionally weak at the time…my dad had just died and well, I had many, many things going through my head. We sold our home, said goodbye and came “home”...comfortable, safe, same'ol..."home".
Is life good? Oh yes, absolutely and I am so thankful for everything that we have…and all the friends I have…I AM blessed and so undeserving…
But I can’t help but wonder…where could we be, where would we be if “I” could just let go and have faith?
The future…with tears in my eyes I must admit that my soul is craving a change, truth be known…I have craved a change for years…home, city, state…it doesn’t matter. All I know is what doesn't kill us will surely make us stronger, yes? Could I ever let go?...could I ever be so trusting?...could I ever have enough faith?...could I ever let God take the wheel? ...
...that's a very good question.
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