A weighty issue...

It seems that my entire life has been spent battling the battle of the bulge. I think back to pictures of my early childhood and as my hubby once pointed out, I always had food either in my hands or surrounding me. I don't "think" I was necessarily a big child but I definitely recall back to my 6th grade pictures starting to balloon up which lasted well into the Summer of my 9th grade year. Having been an overweight teenager, I can say from experience that it is not easy and I certainly feel for any child that might go through it.

The Summer of my 9th grade year I had jaw surgery as a part of my orthodontic treatment and as a result had my jaw wired shut...if I remember correctly, mine was wired for 4-6 weeks. During this time I obviously consumed an all liquid diet...on a side note pureed Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes tasted so awesome as did watermelon. Naturally I began to drop the weight...that Summer of '82 was the turning point in my life...I returned to school for my 10th grade year a very different person. For the first time in my life I was able and allowed to buy the "in" clothes...I received positive comments in lieu of negative and I felt awesome...my heart was full of joy and a new confident girl emerged ready to tackle the world...and tackle it I did.

Sometime after my Senior year I slowly began to gain weight. I was working...partying and or course eating...when I met my hubby I was a little overweight, nothing to out of control...but enough to want to stop it. That's when I began a shameful battle with bulimia. To this day I don't think I've ever told anyone that I suffered from this horrible act of desperation. I'm not proud of it...but it was my very desperate act to save me...the skinny me. I am very thankful that I was able to regain control of my thoughts and acts and quit that vicious cycle...it's not always that easy.

I got married at 22 and skinny...it didn't take long for the inner monster to regain control and the cycle began...growing heavier with each passing year. I think I've covered most of the diets...Slimfast...Nutra System...eating portion controlled meals...exercise...fasting...starving and another attempt at Bulimia...all worked with some success...but as predicted I gained yet again.

Pregnancy was a fantastic excuse to eat and enjoy...but due to extreme morning sickness with both I actually loss weight instead of gaining and returned home weighing less then when I first became pregnant. Some 8 years after the birth of my last child I am heavier then I have ever been with no signs of losing.

Today...I am and am blessed to have a supportive husband who loves me...children who love me...a mother who loves me. I have good friends who seemingly don't care that I'm fat...or they are at least polite enough to be nice (and thank you!). Despite my obesity, I'm very healthy, very happy and able to do just about everything I want...almost. I have some reasons I'd like to lose...nicer clothes, future health and extra energy are just to name a few.

Funny...you never notice yourself getting fat, one day you wake up and you are. Why? How? When? These are just some of the questions I ask myself...